Life in an Eastern Ukrainian Town

Some observations of Kramatorsk, Ukraine. Never heard of it? It’s the Paris of Ukraine. And cultural options, aplenty. Let’s first start with drinking. In K-town, there are 2,303 variations of insanely cheap vodka and 3,000 Ukrainian beers. Triple the price if you favour whiskey or wine. Other observations:

1. Kramatorsk women under the age of 40 expertly navigate dirt paths, broken, uneven pavement and potholes in 6' stiletto heels with a steady, confident stride.
2. A black cat resides on every corner. And he looks pissed off. Do not approach him (or her).
3. Locals are friendly. They like to speak rapid fire Russian, despite the blank stares that indicate I’ve no earthly idea what they are going on about.
4. Older men love to sit in public cafe’s with blaring TV shows on the iPads or mobile phones. They shout frequently at their shiny devices.
5. Ukrainian celebrities live by plastic surgery. Kiev makes Hollywood look like a dirty hippy commune.
6. K-town has beautiful parks and green spaces, but no lawn maintenance. By Spring, the grass grows up to 6 metres high. Mind the cracks in the pavement covered by spider-ish grass. You will trip and then land in something that itches.
7. Happy mutant dogs with freakishly large heads roam the streets, mostly after 6 pm. They run in packs. The Alpha is the one with the largest head.
8. Not a flinch when small arms fire is heard overhead.
9. The cost of living insanely cheap. See #1 vodka.
10. Every Ukrainian village has a ‘cultural center’ regardless of size. Said village also has an accompanying Soviet-era statue in a park or town square. They generally look angry. See #2 Black cat.
11. There are approx. 37 types of pizza. Most popular is corn and mayonaise.
12. Supermarkets carry 112 varieties of yoghurt. Ukrainian customers are always in a hurry. Dirty looks when you don’t bag your groceries fast enough.
13. All buses are from the Kennedy administration. I do not want to know how many DNA varieties reside on the seats, or in the grandma-style curtains.
14. The Babushkas are the gatekeepers of society;. they know everything going round town. They stare suspiciously from windowsills and front porches. I avoid their intimidating gaze, as they size me up and collect data. One day, I will infiltrate their secret world.